Parenthood makes you crazy. It’s official. Here are 10 times things have gone just a little too far in our household…..
1. That time when, in those first few blurry weeks of constant breastfeeds and greeny-brown poonamis, I turned over in bed to find my husband attempting to breastfeed a pillow.
2. That time when he tried to breastfeed me.
3. That time when we commando rolled into our sleeping six month old’s new bedroom to retrieve Ewan the Dream Sheep because we realised it was, in fact, us who couldn’t sleep without the dreamy sheepy bastard.
4. That time we sat in sleep-deprived silence on the sofa watching the bright blue post-7pm CBeebies screen for a good 20 minutes before remembering : other channels do exist.
5. That time when we argued (and I mean actually really argued) over whether Stick Man was a needy, self important “don’t you know who I am?” little shitbag or a lost little soul just trying to find his way in the world.
6. That time when I sent my husband off to his serious office job with his sandwiches cut into four triangles, a box of grapes cut length ways (obvs) and a Petit Filous.
7. That time when we had visitors but, so accustomed was I to peeing with the door open (“Mommy! Where are you Mommy? I can’t see youuuuuuu!), our poor visitors got a damn sight more than they bargained for.
8. That time when we went out for a ‘strictly no kids’ meal and spent the whole night not just talking about them but doing impressions of them.
9. That time when we called each other ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ for the whole evening. Even though the kids had been asleep for a good few hours.
10. That time I sent the hubster a photograph of a dirty nappy because it was just so blimmin’ impressive and I knew he’d appreciate it. And he did.